Fork in the Road

A Cold Milk Shake Makes a Happy Holiday

mctrow — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 01:55:18 +0000

The holidays have come and gone and we didn’t have to run away after all. We had strongly considered traveling to Florida to avoid another round of”flexible” holidays. Since being divorced 4 years ago the dreaded holidays, especially Christmas, have been different each time. We have yet to find a pattern or rhythm to the days before or after. The first year we woke up in a strange house looking out to buffalo grazing just yards from the window. This year after the urge to run away left my body I decided that being flexible is all that’s called for and that that was good enough. The anticipation turned out to be worse than the day itself. In fact on Christmas morning the sun was shining outside and I actually felt content inside. We opened gifts, ate a hearty breakfast and then my kids and I were off to the home to visit with grandma. She had just finished her lunch of one scoop of mashed potatoes with lots of gravy (eaten more like soup) and a kid-size cup of vanilla ice cream. She knew it was Christmas and was happy to open a few presents. She wondered why she was alone on this special day. I reminded her that her family was with her and she nodded as if she suddenly remembered who we were. A person can only sit around the home so long on a beautiful day so we took her to the local ice cream parlor for a milk shake. First she resisted going, saying we could just bring it back to her. After wrangling her and her walker into the car she was unsure she wanted to get out once we arrived, but she did. We found an available table and lingered for an hour, grandma slurping down every last drop of her shake. We took the scenic route back to the home, driving through two parks and choosing streets with cool holiday decorations. Our timing was perfect as other residents were also arriving back to the home after visiting with family for the day. My kids and I then finished our day with a dinner with my daughter’s boyfriend’s family and movie. And at the end of the day it was that cold milkshake that’ll mark this day for years to come.

Chair Yoga for All

mctrow — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 00:46:33 +0000

After the weekly Inspirational Moment with the Chaplin of the retirement home this afternoon, I decided that my mom had sat long enough. After all she sat through lunch, moved to the couch and then sat another hour. It was time to walk. I suggested we walk outside of her unit and see what was going on, maybe walk to the little general store and poke around. On our way we said hello to the social worker who tried to encourage my mom to find a bathing suit and come swimming next week. I can tell you right now that that isn’t going to happen. My mom hates water. Deathly afraid, in fact. Her idea of swimming is sitting out on a white sandy beach in southern Florida soaking up rays, not water. Next a long time friend who lives outside of the home rounded the corner with her daughter. With coffees in hand they were heading our way to visit, but I told them of our walk and they agreed to join us. Upon passing the chapel we noticed a crowd inside. A woman standing near the door looked at us and beckoned us to come inside. I think it’s church for the Catholics I said, we’ll just keep walking. But then I looked deeper into the crowd and right up front was Patty, the Chair Yoga instructor. I knew this because I attended this class another time with my mom. And off we walked straight down the aisle and found seats. The next 30 minutes was spent stretching up and down and sideways and rolling our shoulders and ankles and arms. And all from a chair. There were a few stretches from the standing position, but mostly from the chair. Everyone participated. Shoes off, toes spread, stretching, stretching, stretching. And then finally my favorite part – relaxation. We closed our eyes and let the stress of the day fall away for a few short minutes. It was lovely. The good news is we get to do it again on Friday.

Gravity Won!

mctrow — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 01:57:07 +0000

A couple of weeks ago the old horse hair plaster that was at one time firmly attached to the lathe above, decided on a whim to let go and crash through the drywall in my living room. Luckily, no one was home. Huge 2 foot pieces landed against the front door amid the years of dust and dirt that followed it. A long tongue of fiberglass insulation lapped at the door. The hole was at least 4 feet long and a couple feet wide. Huge.

We (my daughter’s boyfriend’s dad, the painter, the drywall guy and I) decided that long ago there was a water leak and over time – the house is 111 years old – gravity won. So after demolition, mudding, sanding, and several coats of paint on 3 walls, the work is finished. The walls and ceiling are back to normal. And the good news is that I was able to bring together a team of people to get the job done without my ex-husband. This was so empowering for me. Gravity may have won a couple weeks ago, but today it’s me that’s the winner.

It’s Been Awhile, I Know

mctrow — Sun, 16 Oct 2011 02:26:45 +0000

Okay, it’s been 8 months, but really who’s counting? Today I was telling my friend, Leslie, she might want to consider starting a blog about her dog, Lola, and then I remembered my blog, the one that has sat here unattended for months. And I realized that for me to recommend blog writing I need to be doing some writing myself. So I’m back. Who knows for how long, but for now, I’m back for now.

Today Leslie joined me at the retirement home to visit my mom. This was her third visit in a couple of months time. Leslie always brings Lola, her lovable 9-year-old Boston Terrier, who is the hit of the home. If the residents could keep a dog, Lola would be it. She’s a lot like the residents – playful and engaged when necessary, loves to eat and can fall asleep in your lap or your bed at the drop of a hat. My mom likes to share her food – with Lola. And what Lola wants, Lola gets. She can hear the soft cardboard cover come off the ice cream container and she’s suddenly all ears. Standing at attention in front of my mom, her tongue hanging out of her mouth (by the way, her tongue is always hanging out of her mouth) Lola waits patiently for her share of the ice cream cup. And she gets it. My mom can’t resist and half-way through my mom drops her elbow mouth-high and Lola’s tongue is in it – lapping and licking until there’s nothing left but wet, soggy cardboard. My mom smiles and I swear, so does Lola. And this is how the afternoon goes; residents loving Lola and Lola loving them back.

Leslie gets the same love because she so easily gives it. She endures the repetition of questions from my mom and other residents whose memories are very short-lived. Where do you live? Is this your dog? What’s her name? How old is she? Is it a girl? And then 10 minutes later the questions fly out again and Leslie answers them as if hearing them for the first time. And so it goes for the rest of the afternoon – repeating conversations, lots of laughing and lots of love for Lola.

February Update

mctrow — Sun, 20 Feb 2011 15:07:50 +0000

1. I’m retiring and couldn’t be feeling happier about the decision. It’s time and I’m just glad I recognized that it’s time. New adventures await me.

2. My mother announced that she loves living in the home and doesn’t want to move again! Thank God. We’re over the hump.

3. I’ve been stepping up my hiking and now my calves ache.

4. I’ve been stepping up my concert going and have heard fabulous music – Ruthie Foster and Randy Newman.

5. Ruthie Foster’s music gets inside you and doesn’t want to leave. Randy Newman makes you laugh all the way home.

6. Rented an apartment. One down. One to go.

7. Looking to sell a Caddy now. Low miles, dents all around, clean inside. Interested?

8. Did you know that if you’re 60 years old you can audit classes at any university in Ohio?

9. What will I take? Conversational Spanish? Poetry 101? Welding?

10. Spring is close. Spotted the first purple crocus on a hike along with Snow Drops and some other yellow flower I can’t name.

It’s a Secret

mctrow — Tue, 25 Jan 2011 12:05:26 +0000

and when the time is right I’ll tell you. But not today. Even though I know for sure I’ll say I don’t. If you ask I’ll say that there’s still planning and thinking and figuring out to do. But I know. The time is now. But the time to tell is later.

She won’t get out of bed.

mctrow — Tue, 18 Jan 2011 12:10:02 +0000

It’s been several days now and there’s no convincing her to bathe and dress and eat in the dining room with the others. She loathes the others. They rarely talk. It’s almost a silent dinner except for the nurse chatter. Last Saturday we brought the boxer over to play and love on her and fill her face with wet kisses. She still wouldn’t get out of bed. So the dog did the only thing it knew to do. It jumped in bed with her. Oh no! So down the dog came to sniff and wander.

While we went upstairs to help a friend put essential numbers on his cell phone (another story for another time) the nurse convinced her to get up, brush her hair, don her red robe and eat in the dining room. By time we arrived she was just finishing and ready for dessert. She sat at a separate table with her back to the others. The dog sat obediently by her side silently begging for half her ice cream. It worked. My mom couldn’t resist and let the dog lick cool vanilla off her fingers.

Soon dinner was over. We walked back to her room and she went right back to bed. Last night I received a call from the doctor who had visited her earlier in the day. Was she up? I asked. No, she was in bed. Sigh.

New Year, New Room

mctrow — Sat, 01 Jan 2011 16:00:20 +0000

It’s a showplace. The company I hired to move my mom from the 5th floor to the 1st are amazing. In just a few short hours everything was in place and I mean everything. Pictures on the wall, furniture arranged, plants by the window, clothes in the closet and towels on the rack. Move-in ready! We walked over and she loved it. Still saying it was too big like she said the day before when the room was empty. Questioning whether she needs it all. But she admitted the room was a showplace. Until we walked out and down the hall and then it hit her. ”I can’t live there.” And all the anger came spewing out. Within a few minutes she was back in her care unit room snuggled in bed, the curtains drawn. Safe.

EEK! A Rat!

mctrow — Tue, 28 Dec 2010 14:13:56 +0000

It was the last thing we expected to see at the local grocery store. But there is was. In aisle 12 – seasonal. The size of man’s size 10 shoe not including its long tickling tail. The rat practically slide from under the candy counter across the aisle to the large freezer case in center aisle. The movement jerked us to attention. Onlookers kept guard while I searched for the nearest employee. ”Loose Rat in aisle 12,” I whispered to him. I thought it best not to scare the other shoppers. The young kid in his store-blue shirt quickly followed me. By the time I returned only my daughter was standing in the aisle. The other shoppers had cautiously left to resume their shopping – treading lightly I’m sure. The kid got down on his knees and started lifting pieces of the freezer case while my daughter gently kicked the sides hoping to scare it out. The rat wasn’t budging. Another employee showed up and said it’s common. The store has a nightly exterminator whom he will alert. With the rat tucked inside the cooler and the employees at hand there was nothing else to do but finish our shopping – quickly and cautiously.

Carols in the Chapel

mctrow — Thu, 16 Dec 2010 15:05:59 +0000

The home called and asked me to come in and sign papers. We are now offically paying for the Care Unit along with the independent living apartment. It’s a huge chunk of change and I’m hoping some insurance will help pick up some of the cost.

Later I joined my mother and David for dinner in the unit dining room. My mom already has the server in the palm of her hand. She sweet talks him with “You just spoil me!” and stretches her neck around to look up into his young face as he pours more coffee into her cup. ”Are you ready for your sundae on a Tuesday?” he asks. Of course she is. Two or sometimes three times a day (although she’ll deny this) she has a small sundae. And why not?

After dinner the residents of the unit wheeled and walked to the chapel. Seats were choosen and soon the Delta Kings Chorus marched in and took center stage next to the pulpit. With a lift of the arms from the director and a huge breath in the chorus began their concert of Christmas carols. Forty minutes of all the favorites, voices mixed and harmonized to perfection. During the performance my mom leaned into me several times and whispered “They’re no spring chickens!” The group has been together since 1944 and yes it was a true statement but there were younger men as well with rich voices that moved us all toward goodwill as the evening winded down.